Tuesday, June 16, 2009

There's magic allll around us.

So I've officially started work. Totally settled in. I know all the names of the people in the cubicles I pass on my important walks to and from the water cooler. I know that if anyone ever asks me for any reason whatsoever, I am to say my boss is in a meeting, AND I know the various types of meetings I am allowed to make up. And I learned that our bathroom is the root of all magical powers.

Last week, I learned the bathroom was upstairs, more or less hidden in a corner, and that it had a special keypad, to avoid people from breaking into it and stealing the valuables.

"Who knows the secret code?" I asked, and I pictured solid gold sinks and an inlaid silver floor and several secret passages. I had a brief, wild fantasy that the real reason they hired me was to stand guard over the world's most priceless bathroom, and make sure no one came through the secret passages. Hard to say why that sounds appealing to me.

"Everyone," said my boss's assistant, Jane.


"Well, if we don't give it to them, they can't use the bathroom, so, you know...everyone."

It was very disappointing.

My visions of splendor were renewed when I asked for the code, however.

"It's--" Jane paused to blink into space. "If you start from the bottom, it's..." She reached out as though she were pushing the buttons herself. "The last...four? In reverse order?"

It was not. She came up to try it herself. "I've totally confused myself," she said.

We asked three other people. Everyone suffered from the same problem. They all started out confidently, and then suddenly and inexplicably forgot.

"WHAT THE HELL?" said the other assistant on the floor, trying desperately to break-in to the bathroom. "I type this in everyday!"

"I guess we just never think about it," said Jane. She'd bought us pretzels out of a vending machine so we could watch her crazed friend while enjoying a snack. It was almost as good as a movie.

"*I* guess it's magic," I said. People started to agree with me after another ten minutes.

It took us all another day to remember it was, in fact, the last three numbers. Not the last four.

I still suspect it's under a very specific type of curse.

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