Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The Sickness

Casey's boss is pregnant, and experiencing some bad morning sickness. The sickness of the morning time. That annoying part of the day when a pregnant woman wakes up nauseous, throws up, and then rests until the morning is over. Since "afternoon sickness" doesn't exist, then logically, once morning is over (say, 11ish?), she miraculously recovers. Sickness done.

To be oh-so-gentle about the subject, I think the term is a tad inadequate. A bit misguided, if you will. Somewhat stupid. Probably coined by someone without a uterus. Maybe...a man? Just guessing here.

Wikipedia doesn't have an entry on it, so the actual origins of the term remain a mystery. Not to fear, though. I happen to have the actual conversation in which those words were first said:

Man with Hat: *enters his office, wearing a hat, looking a bit peeved.* Grumble-mumble-grumble.
Man with Suspenders: *Thumbs hooked through his suspenders. Appears concerned.* Say there. You're looking less than your Eager Beaver self this morning. 
Hat: My wife didn't make me breakfast.
Suspenders: That's shocks-ville! What would make the little lady do a thing like that?
Hat: She's expecting, and she's doing that thing where, when I try to wake her up, she claims not to feel well. I even suggested that the stove was missing her, and that the eggs were awaiting her arrival. But she seems to find her favorite toys repulsive these days.
Suspenders: Well, bowl me over! Sounds like she's suffering from some sort of...of a...what's the word I'm looking for?
Hat: A sickness?
Suspenders: That's the very one! She probably recovers as soon as you've left, just in time for you to miss breakfast. The womenfolk sometimes don't understand their own feelings. It just takes her a while before she realizes that she's actually fine.
Hat: Still. I wish it happened in the afternoon. I don't like morning sickness.
Suspenders: I dig you. Like, crazy man.
Hat:...What era are you from?

My first idea is that we start referring to all ailments as "the Sickness." A sore throat is now, "the Throat Sickness." Having a fever is now, "the Hot Sickness." You may also add in times of day. Evening Ennui, maybe. Or Noontime Discomfort.

My second idea is that we coin a new term.

Casey's boss suggests, "hormone poisoning." I can't decide if this ends better with "disease," or "syndrome," so I'm letting it have both.

Hormone Poisoning Syndrome Disease. HPSD. Pronounced, "hupsda." All conversations must now go as follows:

Man with Hat: My wife has the hupsda.
Man with Hat:...Seriously, what era is this?

Spread the word.

No comments:

Post a Comment