So should I dance down streets for money, or sing?

There are two points to this post. 

Point A) Monday morning my boss called me at 8 am to see if I had any last questions before I start my internship next week. Unfortunately, I was still asleep. More unfortunately, I answered my phone anyway. 

Phone: *RING*

Sara: *clicks answer and stares at the number. A number doesn't usually appear on the screen after the alarm has been turned off. That was the alarm, right?*

P:...Hello?

S: Oh my God. My phone IS ALIVE.

Sara's Boss, Christine: Is this Sara?

S: Yes. How are you doing this?

C: Um. Sara, this is Christine. How are you?

S: Fine. How are you? What do you need? How are you DOING THIS?

C: I just called to see if you had any last questions before you started and make sure you were all set for Monday.

S: Why? What's happening on Monday?

C:...You're starting work?

S: Yes, but--oh. OH. This is not my cell phone calling me. This is my boss.

C: A little. Did I wake you?

S: No, not at all! I'm always up at whatever time this is.

C: And do you have any questions?

S: Nope.

C: Great. We're all very excited to have you at the office. Even after this.

S: Haha! Great! I'm excited, too! See you soon! *hangs up*

S: *calls Victoria*

V: Yes?

S: My boss called me just now and I discovered I am going to lose my job before I even start it.

V: That's weird. My boss called me, too. He's a general. I asked him what kinds of clothes I should wear and what other styles around the office are. I'm sure that's what his military career has prepared him for.

S: Let's be homeless and jobless together.

Point B) I'm alive. So sorry for the long delay! Posting will commence as usual now. 

Not that there was a usual.

...

There will be a usual from now on. 

A Brief Conversation Between Victoria and an Innocent, By-Standing History Major

Unsuspecting History Major: Victoria, you're a history major, aren't you?

Victoria: Yes. Why?

UHM: I can't decide which classes to take next semester.

V: Which are you considering?

UHM: History of the Vikings, for one.

V: Oh, I took that class. We dressed up as vikings and had a feast.

UHM: Wow, really? 

V: Yes. The feast is half your grade.

UHM: Great! Definitely taking that one. How about History of Pirates?

V: Another good one. We hijacked a ship and pirated about the Atlantic.

UHM: You--wait...really?

V: ...

UHM: *suspicious*

V: Yes?

UHM:...Awesome.

V: Yes.

I'll let you know as soon as you can pre-order them on Amazon

Victoria and I are generally baffled by the book Twilight. The male lead, Edward, defies all kinds of logic.

Victoria: Wait...on page twenty it says Edward's voice is musical, but on page twenty-three, it's velvety.

Sara: I didn't know velvet could be musical.

V: I once saw this fake velvet Christmas tie at the dollar store, and when you hit, it played Jingle Bells.

S: Well, I guess that's what they're referring to. That hardly seems appealing, does it? "His voice was like a dollar store tie that played Christmas songs"? Can that be right?

V: Unless we've missed a category of singing velvet, I think it must be.

 

Apparently he is all kinds of sexy, but we're having a hard time understanding the appeal.

Victoria and I have rather lavish plans of becoming best-selling authors ourselves, so whenever a book becomes as vastly popular as something like Twilight, we feel more or less obligated to read it. We're pretty sure each author has some sneaky, diabolical plan for how to get people to read their book, and we intend to discover this plan, and then use it ourselves. Hijack it, you could say. But with less implication of violence. What's the word for that? Commandeering? The not nice way of borrowing? I don't know. Let's just stay with hijacking and add some violence in there so it fits.

I'm feeling very generous tonight, so I'm going to give you a sneak-peek at some of the many titles we plan to soon make famous:

The Perilous Passions of Penelope

The Billionaire Italian Cowboy's Virgin Mistress's Secret Baby

High Seas and High C's: A Pirate's Quest to Star in Cats 

Jake Johnson and the Giant Geranium (critics say, "Like James and the Giant Peach, but better, because of the alliteration! Your kids will really appreciate that.")

The Day the Earth Kept Turning as Usual

We can hardly decide which one to write first.