Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I'll let you know as soon as you can pre-order them on Amazon

Victoria and I are generally baffled by the book Twilight. The male lead, Edward, defies all kinds of logic.

Victoria: Wait...on page twenty it says Edward's voice is musical, but on page twenty-three, it's velvety.
Sara: I didn't know velvet could be musical.
V: I once saw this fake velvet Christmas tie at the dollar store, and when you hit, it played Jingle Bells.
S: Well, I guess that's what they're referring to. That hardly seems appealing, does it? "His voice was like a dollar store tie that played Christmas songs"? Can that be right?
V: Unless we've missed a category of singing velvet, I think it must be.
Apparently he is all kinds of sexy, but we're having a hard time understanding the appeal.

Victoria and I have rather lavish plans of becoming best-selling authors ourselves, so whenever a book becomes as vastly popular as something like Twilight, we feel more or less obligated to read it. We're pretty sure each author has some sneaky, diabolical plan for how to get people to read their book, and we intend to discover this plan, and then use it ourselves. Hijack it, you could say. But with less implication of violence. What's the word for that? Commandeering? The not nice way of borrowing? I don't know. Let's just stay with hijacking and add some violence in there so it fits.

I'm feeling very generous tonight, so I'm going to give you a sneak-peek at some of the many titles we plan to soon make famous:

The Perilous Passions of Penelope
The Billionaire Italian Cowboy's Virgin Mistress's Secret Baby
High Seas and High C's: A Pirate's Quest to Star in Cats 
Jake Johnson and the Giant Geranium (critics say, "Like James and the Giant Peach, but better, because of the alliteration! Your kids will really appreciate that.")
The Day the Earth Kept Turning as Usual

We can hardly decide which one to write first.

1 comment:

  1. I vote for the pirate one, and maybe they'll get Johnny Depp to star in the movie.